Love. Learn. Repeat.

Carter slid under the covers and up close to me. I was awoken with a few hard, snotty kisses on the mouth, followed by throaty giggles.  I turned over in the blankets and pulled him close.  I LOVE these little moments when he lets me in close to him.  When he holds still long enough to really revel in everything that he is.  To feel the weight, shape and warmth of his little body. Press my nose into his fuzzy hair.  Rest my cheek on his, and feel how smooth and innocent he is.  Take a deep breath and.... what is that SMELL?!  Yeah, I was definitely awake now.  But, holding on to the moment, I excused it as a dirty diaper that I would take care of later.  Carter let me snooze with him for a few more minutes.  Finally a small, "Mom...Mom, I. Want. Miwk. Pweese?"  And another snotty kiss.  I smiled and rolled us out onto the floor.  Into the kitchen.  "Thomas cup? Pweese?".  Thomas cup it is.  Half full and in his chubby little hands.  I head into the living room and commence the ritual gathering of diapering tools.  I call to him to "change pants", and in he comes.  Then I notice it.  He is COVERED in vomit.  Choking down the urge to further the damage, I gingerly peel his jammies off and change his not-poopy diaper.  Then I heave a knowing sigh and head upstairs.  Before I even reach the upper threshold, my eyes are tearing up from the smell.  Yup. There it is.  Gallons of the most deplorable goo known to man.  I don't know what I fed this kid, but... oh, just kidding, yes I do.  I can see a little bit of it there, and there... I throw every tainted object onto the bed, take up the corners, and, holding the bundle at arms length with my fingers pinching my nose, head down to the laundry room.  Even after the blankets are washed and I'm putting them into the dryer, I'm focusing on breathing shallow and swallowing hard.  Bits of all-too-recognizable gunk still cling to the sides of the washing machine as I start it again.   Sigh. Oh what a way to start the day.   But you know what? Those scarce little moments of closeness are SO worth the mess. We've discovered something with Carter.  A pattern, if you will, of how best to understand and deal with him.  As I reveal it to you, I want you to understand that we are in NO way perfect at this.  We freak out every now and then just like every normal parent. Our pattern is thus: Love. Learn.  Repeat. There are so many things about Carter we don't understand, and probably never will.  He's just wired differently.  Working on a whole different operating system.  The best we can hope to do is accept him anyway, and try to help him operate and function in the world around him. Picture if you will, a scenario: The whole family is quietly watching a movie an hour or so before bed, generally winding down and cozying up.  Carter suddenly charges into the room, hands over his ears, screaming like a maniac.  Taken off guard, we all just stare at him.  He heads over to the closest person to him, Logan, and begins pummeling him with his fists.  At this point, we intercede, and try to restrain Carter.  He reacts to this in a doubly violent manner, and even bites and kicks at those trying to stop him.   _ Ok, at this point, one of two things happens.  One, we take Carter up to his room and sit against the door while he takes his vengeance out on his own belongings, alone. Two, we love him.  Pick him up calmly, take him to a quiet place, and hug him tight.  Hold him for a minute with love, even if he fights it.  Then, we learn.  We question. We observe.  What was it that upset you, Carter? Was the movie too loud?  Was Logan playing with a toy that you wanted?  Are you in pain? Do you need to be in a quiet place for a while? Are you tired or hungry? etc. etc. Nine times out of ten, we are able to determine what caused his little world to become so disturbed.   We adjust the goings-on of the night, finding a routine that suits everyone, and we go on. Then, we repeat. Sometimes we don't need to repeat the process until sometime the next day.  Sometimes we repeat the process every few minutes.  But EVERY time, we learn.  And every time we take the time to stick to the pattern, we grow with LOVE too. Carter isn't an "easy" boy, but he is definitely a "worth it" boy.  We love him so much.  And every day, we Love. Learn. Repeat.